Body Image

My weigh in and last weeks goals:

I lost 1.4 lbs this week for a total of 23.6!

Last weeks goals were to finish my “diva den” and to lose 1.5 lbs. I lost 1.4 so close enough, as for the diva den I will be done this weekend. I did get some more things done and I just need to move a few more things out with the help of my hubby this weekend then it will be usable. I still want to get a TV and cable hooked up for while I am on my treadmill but until then I can watch Netflix on my laptop and listen to music.

Now for a brief clinic update, I went to the pre-surgery class this past Monday and unfortunately although it gave good information it was mostly information I had already researched on my own. I was hoping something would be said to help me make a final decision on either the gastric sleeve or bypass and that didn’t happen, therefore I will wait to see if the surgeon has a recommendation when I see him in September.

Now that I got that out of the way I want to talk about body image. This is a topic that comes up often in the online support groups as well as at support group meetings.

I have three major fears of having bariatric surgery:

  1. Not losing enough weight
  2. Weight regain
  3. Losing the weight and still hating my body

Let’s assume that I will be successful and get to a good healthy weight, let’s also assume I am able to maintain this loss. Now what? No matter how much weight I lose and how much I exercise a body that has carried so much extra weight for so many years is not going to just shrink back with weight loss. This means that without a doubt I will have saggy skin that may require plastic surgery to be removed.

Knowing that plastic surgery for skin removal and tightening is likely going to be in my future I started to do some research on what types of surgery were available and what kind of cost I would be looking at. During my research I found that most plastic surgeons have a gallery on their webpage with the before & after photos, these may be helpful to someone else but what I noticed was that most of these photos were of young women (I am talking early – mid twenties) who were thin to begin with. I started to feel a little depressed looking at the galleries because I am looking at the pictures thinking I will never look like that no matter how much weight I lose, or how much I exercise, or how much I pay in plastic surgery.

Am I going to forever see a fat person every time I look in the mirror?

dysmorphia pic

How do you learn to love yourself and your body? I don’t want to spend 2 hours trying on outfits every time I go out because I feel fat and ugly in everything I put on, I want to look in the mirror and think I am beautiful no matter what size I am.

I can not begin to tell you how many posts from people who have had some type of bariatric surgery saying “I still see a fat person” or “I don’t notice a difference in the mirror.”

On that note I am going to set 2 goals for myself this week again:

  1. Increase my activity
  2. Come up with at least 2 things I like about my body.

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